Sometimes I am amazed that I can learn some things so quickly, and yet others take me forever to pick up. Teach me a new system at work and I have it right away. But there are some things that I haven’t fully learned despite some 15 years of pop quizzes. I still struggle with the whole Nice Guy mentality.
So a history of sorts… 7-8 grade there was this girl Brandy who was quite the looker. On top of that she was one of the good girls. Being the nice guy and having been told that you should be friends first, that is what I did. And we had a lot in common. I was trying to convert from friend to boyfriend when in walk my friend Johnny. Johnny was a female Alpha (read loser) who was truly a troublemaker and on the wrong side of the line dividing society and sociopaths. Well, guess who she went for? Same timeframe, another girl that I liked did the same thing, tho with a different guy.
Age 17, dated a wonderful girl whom I am still friends with today. She was constantly torn between me and two bad boys, one to a lesser extent. I think I lost out on that one due to the sin of being too nice.
Age 18-19. Marissa, good looking girl that I had known for several years. Always close to converting it but always being too respectful of her (possibly read fearful of rejection?) and never did. She would go from guy to guy, she would have me meet them to get my opinion on them. I would give my opinion on them and she promptly dated them anyways. A few weeks or months later she would come crying to me that I was right and she should have listened, which of course she never did. I stopped caring about converting when I came to the realization that anyone who would continuously go against sane advice to be with bad boys was not worth it.
Age 20-26 or so I lived at the church. Very large church where due to my service everyone of any import knew me, and thats saying something in a multi-thousand member church. But living out a life of service didn’t help me either. I was the nice guy and continually saw the girls go instead to the various jackasses and losers. In fairness, not all of them did so. Some of them chose wisely and I don’t begrudge that. There are men that I can look at and state objectively that they are better men than I and losing out to one is no big deal. May the best man win and all that. Now you might think that 6 straight years of observation would be enough to cure me of NiceGuyitis. You’d think. Me? Ha! I am a slow learner in such things. This lasted thru marriage but I am going to purposely avoid the marriage years here as thats a whole ‘nother rant!
Now the above is not unique to me by any stretch of the imagination. We are plagued with Nice Guys in our society, all of them (us) suffering from the same lack of ability to make and maintain a meaningful connection with a woman. How to get past being Mr Nice Guy and create and maintain meaningful relationships with women is what I am looking to explore. Game gives some of those answers as well as others that will lead to the inability to have a meaningful connection, specifically the constant using of women as PUAs do. As mentioned by Arielle, the Bible has plenty of examples to look to. It is also worth noting that most of those men were polygamous and since niceguyitis doesn’t work with a single woman it surely would not have worked with multiple!
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