They say an idle mind is the devil’s playground. Well, I say an idle mind is where genius happens because the other day, as I was taking a shower, I came up with an idea that I not only find brilliant, but worthy of application.
When a man asks a woman’s hand in marriage, she gets a ring. And he gets a what? A “yes” one would hope, but after that, what else does he get? What kind of symbolism does he get to show he is engaged. Traditionally, none. An engaged man does not receive anything to show he is engaged, while a woman gets to go around and flaunt a ring.
Will someone tell me how this is fair? Will someone tell me why women for so long have allowed their fiancés to go walking around looking no different than the man who isn’t engaged at all?
These questions are rhetorical. Instead of attempting to answer them, I have aim to implement an alternative tradition, one that I hope other men put into practice and women will be accepting of.
As reciprocity for asking my woman’s hand in marriage, I too would like a symbol of our engagement. Something specifically for me. Here it is:
I want a dog. Yep, that’s right, a dog.
Now I’m serious about this. Don’t think I’m playing because I’m not. Once I put a ring on it, I want a dog, preferably a pit bull. And here are a couple of other rules.
I want it to be brand new, a puppy just born, nothing from the pound. I’m pretty sure my woman wouldn’t want a ring from the pawn shop or antique store, so I don’t want a dog from the SPCA. I want something from a farm that breeds pit bulls. I prefer it be expensive, because, well, the ring is probably going to be expensive. Then, as a show of solidarity between the dog, my woman, and I, I want a dog tag. Something I wear around my neck when I go out and the dog wears around his neck. This will show everyone not only am I dog owner, but the woman I am about to marry got me the dog I’m walking. And, check this out ladies, whenever I go out to the club for guys night out, my woman can say, “Wait, where you going without your dog tag?” Of course I’ll just take it off when I leave anyway, but seeing me put it on before I leave the house should give a woman some comfort, right?
Over the weekend I got opinions about this notion of not only a dog, but reciprocity in general, from a few of my guy friends and a few of my women friends. Of course the guys were all for it, especially David, the one married friend I talked to. He said, “When I asked my wife to marry me, about a week passed and I was like, wait a minute, what do I get?” That’s when David put me on to the Dowry system, which I don’t want to take up time on this post to explain, and he didn’t implement, but the short definition is, it’s a tradition of a man getting something in return for asking his woman to marry him. (You can read more about it here)
As one would expect, the women who I talked to about this weren’t necessarily gun-ho about this idea. The common refrain I heard was, “My hand in marriage should be enough.” Well, I also believe it’s what’s on the inside that counts, but no one sees me dating sweet, unattractive women now do they?
Look, a woman’s hand in marriage, her “Yes”, it’s a beautiful thing. But is it enough? “No”. If I’m ready to marry a woman, I want something to distinguish myself from all the men who aren’t, and unfortunately, tradition has no such thing in place. Unless, I get a dog. If I have a dog, and we’re wearing the same dog tags, guess what it says? It says my fiancee said “Yes!”
A dog symbolizes reciprocity, which I myself am a big stickler of. It is to say, if we’re going to be in this thing together, we’re going to start this thing together and what better way to start than for a woman to do for me what I have done for her? Beyonce said If I like her put a ring on it, and now Jozen is saying if she likes me, put a leash on a dog and hand it over to me. I don’t want one phone call made in regards to planning a wedding until I’m playing fetch with my dog named Mike Vick (yes, I am really going to name my dog Mike Vick).
Of course, some men won’t agree with this. Some men will say they don’t need anything at all, and that’s fine, we’ll just agree to disagree. But for those men who are feeling my message of reciprocity but would rather something else other than a dog, leave whatever it is you would like in return in the c-section. It could be pilot lessons. It could be some power tools. It could be season tickets to your favorite team for your favorite sport, but please, let it be something.
As for me, just a dog. That’s all I want, ladies. Thanks in advance.
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